Alot Of Time To Think
I have had alot of time to think over this past week. I woke up last Saturday with the flu and then woke up on Wednesday with pink eye. Since I have been contagious I have been a prisoner in my own home. I have had alot of time to think.
I think I had a major revaltion today. In my life I have always had a hard time asking for what I want or need. I'm not sure why I guess I didn't feel worthy of receiving so why ask. The conculsion I came to today was that if I do not ask for what I want or need that may the reason I don't seem to get what I want. As Dr. Phil would say if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting the same results and how's that working for ya?
Truthfully it's not. I am almost 30 years old there are certain things I should be able to say, certain situations I should be able to express myself in and I don't. I always leave those times thinking I should've said this or I should've done that. I also realize I tend to hide behind my sarcasim. Just kidding but clearing the air at the same time not owning my feelings...why not they are mine? No no I'm not mad you forgot my birthday it's been almost 2 months since it happend I'm almost over it. Rather than even though we don't hang out nearly as much as we used to I still thought you were my friend and would at least make an effort once a year to spend some time with me rather than have me be just someone you bump into because we both happen to be in the same place at the same time . Another trick pretending my standards are lower than they are but secretly hoping things will change. No no we can be friends with "extras" no strings, no problem but then secretly wishing somehow it turns into something more. Rather than Sorry I like strings, strings are good it's a package deal all or nothing...and if he says nothing really am I worse off than I was yesterday?
I have ocassionally decided to get a back bone and the world hasn't stopped spinning, the roof didn't cave in, lightning didn't strike....is it fair to say that in those situations if nothing completely horrible happened then in future incidents the same results can be expected.
Only one way to find out!!
I think I had a major revaltion today. In my life I have always had a hard time asking for what I want or need. I'm not sure why I guess I didn't feel worthy of receiving so why ask. The conculsion I came to today was that if I do not ask for what I want or need that may the reason I don't seem to get what I want. As Dr. Phil would say if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting the same results and how's that working for ya?
Truthfully it's not. I am almost 30 years old there are certain things I should be able to say, certain situations I should be able to express myself in and I don't. I always leave those times thinking I should've said this or I should've done that. I also realize I tend to hide behind my sarcasim. Just kidding but clearing the air at the same time not owning my feelings...why not they are mine? No no I'm not mad you forgot my birthday it's been almost 2 months since it happend I'm almost over it. Rather than even though we don't hang out nearly as much as we used to I still thought you were my friend and would at least make an effort once a year to spend some time with me rather than have me be just someone you bump into because we both happen to be in the same place at the same time . Another trick pretending my standards are lower than they are but secretly hoping things will change. No no we can be friends with "extras" no strings, no problem but then secretly wishing somehow it turns into something more. Rather than Sorry I like strings, strings are good it's a package deal all or nothing...and if he says nothing really am I worse off than I was yesterday?
I have ocassionally decided to get a back bone and the world hasn't stopped spinning, the roof didn't cave in, lightning didn't strike....is it fair to say that in those situations if nothing completely horrible happened then in future incidents the same results can be expected.
Only one way to find out!!
posted by susyt @ 2:53 AM
2 Comments:
At 7:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
Great Philosophy! I really think you should say what's on your mind and own your own feelings, however, don't forget to talk to someone before you talk about them.
At 11:15 PM,
susyt said…
The examples I used were just some of the more recent examples in my life...just the easiest to remember. There are others. The post was not about talking about someone it was about talking to me. The examples I used I already made my decisions on can't go back and change them...just using the examples to remind myself to not sell out again. If I meant to be mean and talk about people I would have used names.
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